Having good sex and even better sleep should be at the top of all of our to-do lists. However, achieving both may not be easy.
Suppose you’re struggling with getting adequate rest. In that case, you may want to consider adding sex positions to improve your sleep patterns, as receiving oxytocin reduces stress and promotes bonding, prolactin induces drowsiness, and endorphins boost mood and relaxation, which comes from having sex.
To get a better understanding of how we can infuse intentional sex positions, we tapped Jacqueline Sherman, PhD, a licensed psychologist and intimacy and relationship coach. She suggests leveraging a combination of traditional sex positions, like missionary, to receive not only better sleep but also pleasure. Check out her recommendations below.
Partnered Masturbation: Mutual touch without full intercourse — can be excellent for promoting sleep because it combines the benefits of sexual release, intimacy, and relaxation without the physical intensity of penetrative sex. Mutual masturbation involves you and your partner masturbating alongside each other. You are both touching yourselves, letting each other see how you like to receive pleasure. You and your partner will both decide how you would each like to masturbate.
Here’s why it works:
- Unlike penetrative sex, partnered masturbation can be as slow and soothing as you want.
- You’re in control of the intensity, so it’s easy on the body, especially before bed.
- Orgasm releases a powerful blend of chemicals that promote sleep. These chemicals quiet the mind and relax the body, helping you drift into sleep more easily.
Lazy Cowgirl: The cowgirl position (woman on top) can be surprisingly good for sleep when done in a relaxed, gentle way — often called the “lazy cowgirl.” When the goal is intimacy and winding down rather than intense, physically demanding sex, this position can inspire ultimate relaxation.
Here’s why it works:
- The receiving partner can fully relax, focusing on resting and breathing.
- The person on top controls the pace and depth.
- Many people find cowgirl attire empowering, sensual, and emotionally engaging, which can boost oxytocin and dopamine.
- With the right angle and movement, the person on top can stimulate their clitoris and/or G-spot more effectively (increasing the likelihood of orgasm).
- A more satisfying orgasm leads to a stronger parasympathetic response, which is a natural sleep trigger.
Spooning: This side-lying sex position is optimal for improved sleep because it takes minimal effort and offers complete body contact. Penetration can occur through the vagina and/or anus. Spooning promotes the release of oxytocin (the “cuddle hormone”), which reduces stress, increases feelings of relaxation and bonding, and encourages sleep. Immediately after you enjoy this position with your partner, you can close your eyes and drift off into restorative sleep.
Modified Missionary: The missionary position is both familiar and physically grounding — it can prime the body to relax and prepare for rest. The Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) is not your standard missionary position. The CAT sex position helps stimulate the external portion of the clitoris. The angle of penetration targets the anterior (front) vaginal wall, stimulating the G-spot simultaneously. The focus is on grinding instead of thrusting, and the penetrating partner should shift the angle and motion of the pelvis forward to create an upward rubbing motion against the clitoris. This often helps women stay relaxed and more attuned to their arousal and pleasure. The deep relaxation after an orgasm from CAT, especially one involving both clitoral and G-spot stimulation, leads to a strong parasympathetic (rest and digest) response and optimal sleep.
Yab Yum (Seated Embrace): Tantric sex can be excellent for sleep, not just because of the sexual release, but because of how deeply it engages your nervous system, breath, and mindfulness. Unlike goal-oriented sex (where orgasm is the primary focus), tantra is about presence, connection, and energy flow, which has a calming, meditative effect on the body and mind. The Yab Yum is a classic tantric sex position where one partner (often the receiving or more relaxed partner) sits in the lap of their partner, facing them, with their legs wrapped around them. The penetrating partner sits with their legs crossed, and inserts their penis into their partner’s vagina, holding them while they both rock back and forth.
Here’s why it works:
- Encourages deep eye contact, intimacy, and synchronized breathing.
- Involves gentle rocking or stillness, not vigorous movement.
- Promotes emotional bonding and releases oxytocin.
- You can naturally transition into cuddling or lying side by side afterward.
- It aligns with tantric goals: presence, energy exchange, and soft sensuality.